Texts From Last Night

Peggy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.

Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening.

I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.

Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first

He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt

I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies

You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.

danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow

There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.

To Devon:

And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".

people keep asking me what i will be for halloween and my answer is that i am halloween

I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.

Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.

I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.