Texts From Last Night

You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.

My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?

we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.

To Brandi;
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours

There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life.

stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us

I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting

I would do everything over again, except the fireball.

I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.

i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.

LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.

He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.

I just look at my butt and see so much potential.

Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.